Apparently the tip to impressing me is an illusive one. Even I couldn’t put my finger on it. Why can I be so cold sometimes? So critical? A person could superficially tick all these boxes yet something was off. Then other times the most unlikely people will totally charm me. I now understand why I get so shut off around certain people, or get my acid tongue out in certain situations- to break the cardboard down and see if anyone lives there if I think someone might- or else i’ll just dismiss.
I tend to like people when they aren’t holding up shutters, cool or not. Someone can be trendy and still have a vunerability about them, something real and personal; but when people don’t have it and they so badly wanna look like an advertisement for what’s hot, I instantly feel tension between us. A character is being played, and no cards are on the table. They might shoot you the joker card, the happy go lucky party animal card, or the melancoly depressed artist card, but you can always tell when it’s part of an image and the real thing. You have been warned.
When I’m in a forced situation and everything is “cool” (meaning straight out of a videoclip or something stupid.. shudder)- the music is trendy, the people’s clothes, the venue, everything is opaque and banal- I suddenly feel really lame. I get this ”oh man what am I doing?” Cloud of thought around me, because I know none of these actions or clothes are originally mine… or theirs. It’s like I’m in a commercial or something and it freaks me out. I don’t mean genuine cool, like when I am at an awesome party or with actual cool- funny, witty, confident, unique, funny people- I have a lot of those moments where I’m having so much fun my head is bubbling, i’m not thinking about it and so it always flows nicely.
No, I mean the moments when you are bored out of your brains, yet you shouldn’t be, because you are surrounded by Tools that are not being utilized. It’s like a tension buzzing in the air, an energy with no where to flow, because everyone is grasping it- afraid to be themselves, to speak their mind or dress like they don’t give a shit- it’s contrived, therefore it’s just not cool.
I can’t relax, or use these tools; People that are dressed cool but their personalities are bland as flour. Music that no one really loves but they like it because it’s cool- no vibe. No passionate conversations because everyone is afraid what people will think. I KNOW WHAT PEOPLE THINK. I think it is fucking dull! If I have to ruffle some feathers to make it fun then it’s well worth it, at least I can BREATHE again! Give me some air, give me something I can use, please?
So it turns out that something can be so cool that it implodes in on itself and becomes lame.
The trick is to not care, and that’s how you have fun. I don’t mean not care about anything like you’re meant to not care- yet you still care about being liked by a bunch of zombies- I mean not care about the crowd, and focus your energy on what’s in front of you. Then you move to the next person or room, and feel it out and get absorbed in that- you don’t anxiously stand around looking cool and posing, because you’re not directing yourself to anyone or giving anything real away- that is what bores me, situations like that. That is when shit is contrived, and it’s not cool at all. If other people don’t see this (and i’m sure many don’t, because they fall for it and apply to it) then it makes a whole lot of sense. I’m sure half of them do know, but are still figuring life out and want to belong somewhere, and half don’t because they are actually that disconnected and shallow (early warning signs of schizophrenia, this is not a joke and is a sad and serious issue).
I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t impressed when on so many occasions I *should* be. This is the reason. Something was off. Something was being forced because I was meant to like it, according to what’s cool, but I just didn’t. It takes more than a wicked pair of pants and un kempt hair do to hook me. I have to know what’s going on behind a person’s sunnies before I’ll trust them as a friend, before I feel cool. To feel cool, you have to be relaxed, you have to be real. So uh, keep it real *shrugs*.